I should've known better. [[My heart sank when I read that letter.]]

"Happy are you, Hester, that wear the scarlet letter openly upon your bosom! Mine burns in secret!"

It hurts either way.

I've told Paul, Keanna, and Sarah. I thought that it would hurt less once I got it all out in the open, but, if anything, it hurts even more; now I can't ignore my guilt.

Sarah reacted wonderfully. I couldn't have asked for a better friend.

Paul-- I'm not so sure. I think he feels more pain than he's letting on, but I can see it in his words. It hurts to think about him.

Keanna, well, she decided she didn't want to be my friend anymore, of course. Nothing less was expected of her, she's such a dramatic little thing.

I guess what bothers me most is that I don't have control of the situation in the sense that I can't be the one to comfort my friends, for obvious reasons, that I'm the bad guy in this situation. I've actually never truly, purely been the bad guy before.

I'm scared that I've hurt Paul really, really badly. I don't have much reason to think that I've hurt him any more than anyone else, but I've got a feeling. I can see it. I think there's a gaping wound somewhere that he's trying to hide. Right over his heart. We match.

I feel so weak with guilt. I could just curl up and never move. Paul and Sarah both said they forgive me, but I think the problem is that I'm not forgiving myself.